Friday, April 29, 2005

Dances with the wolves

The office is a mean place to be. Not that I am not enjoying it here. The people are nice, the fellows are nice, the arrangement of the tables are nice... well, you get the picture, right?

However, there is a hidden current that is flowing beneath the activities. My goal before coming here was to catch hold of that current and divert it towards an avenue where I would be most comfortable. And I have now. However, life is lonely. I am slowly turning towards that fact that there was a need for a friend in my life all the time. Its not just "Friend Friend", You know, its a reeeal Friend that I need, one who you can hold on to. Cry with her/ dance with her/ talk about anything with her/ and yet not fall in love.

Am missing that person in my life. But I am sure that that person would come, sooner or later. And when she does, I am sure that she would wrench the steering wheel out of my life, and change the course of my life. I do not need to do anything special.

People say that I am too dry, people say that I am not a dreamer, too much of a realist. I like real facts, well, thats how I am... Thats how I like to be... Its not that I have no women in my life... I do, its just that maybe I have purposefully pushed them far enough from myself so that I just dont get hurt like I once did. I dont wanna cry once again, I dont wanna get hurt all over again. I think that the test about what I am was true enough. I am resentful and teary eyed over things that need no second thoughts. Well, if it didnt happen, it didnt happen, thats it. But no, I should not digress from the point.

Its not fair to say that men has the three basic needs of hunger, thirst and sex. Its not that, men (or women) need something more, that is emotional needs. I guess that its lonely at the top, and frankly speaking, there is not much to look at when you are at the top. The ground looks so far... I guess what they say is true. Its not the fall which hurts, its the sudden stop at the end.

I donno, I think I should go drink myself overboard today... Fuck man, I am feeling miserable...

Love, laughter n keep the faith


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