Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Push, and I pushed harder...

Somewhere down the line, I feel that I pushed her too hard... Mebbe she realizes it now... Mebbe down in the cockles of her heart, she still IS waiting for him. Is she?

I donno, and I feel scared. Really scared. I can give her commitment, I can give her the love that I can. Mebbe it would not measure up to the amount of love that she needs.

A said today that my level of commitment has not been seen by her before me. That is why she is scared. Maybe. But on the other hand, does this mean that V never scared her? Did she believe every word of that to be true? What do I do wrong that V did to make her believe?

I have always maintained that the good guys end up getting the raw deal. ALWAYS.

I cried today. I feel like cutting my wrists wide open and see the blood run in spurts until the white marble floor has intricate fascinating designs on them.

I need to make love. Seriously... I do...




Love, laughter n keep the Faith

S

7 comments:

Nahuatl said...

Don't use maybe now... even though it is easiest thing to say. I understand your feelings man.. it sucks.

She won't get over V until u attend to her needs without caring for yourself for some time. She will understand when this is over.

Time.. all everybody needs is time. But nobody knows how much. :(

Hang on dude... dont let stupid ideas take over u.

EvolutioN said...

thanks a lot nayan... i guess time is indeed a great healer... I would definitely follow ur advice, and give her some time...


Love, laughter n keep the Faith


S

yossarian said...

Boss , life is supposed to be unfair and the best way to livbe it is to accept this truth and then take life on .I am not good with relations and I do know I try to hide behind work but all those are only methods to avoid a problem. This one needs immediate attention and my advice is catch the bull ( problem ) by its horns and if that means going passive and giving more time to heal , do it dude , do not bother .

EvolutioN said...

hmmm.... yossarian, I think u are right... sometimes being passive is the only way to be active, and grabbing a bull (literally?? I dont think I have the courage to... he he) by its horns would be the only way of solving the problem...

Therefore, many thanks yossarian... I know I have been a jerk for much of my univ life, but I guess its ok, especially when you remember the times when we stuck through when it mattered...


Love, laughter n keep the Faith


S

EvolutioN said...

and yossarian, I hate the word dude (HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL U THAT???)


Love, laughter n keep the Faith


S

Debalina said...

Hmmm...
So,not everything is insecurity,some of it is definately a part of your doubt.
I think,its enough,I think its time you should go your way,rather than waiting for someone.

All the best !

EvolutioN said...

@Debalina...

I do not think so... I definitely do not think so... I would wait around all life for this one person to come and make my dreams...

Seiously... I cannot stay without her...


Love, laughter n keep the Faith

S

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Loves,

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