Friday, May 27, 2005

News and Views...

I have been pretty open about all of my views inside my college or outside it, and the raw outcome of all that is my blog. Soemthing that I feel very strongly about has to have an outcome in some form or the other. In almost all the times, its my blog which does that talking for me. More and more people keep telling me that its like a monologue, but I feel its more of a dialogue that I keep up with almost all the voices in my head.

Soemtimes its more often than not that I have to let go of that pent-up energy inside me. And when it all wells up, I let it go. This document is something that keeps me sane, so to say. A friend who would listen to me without giving me what most term as "Level headed advice". I feel somebody should be shouted at, therefore I shout.

Laxman today called my blog to be Cathartic. Looking up the meaning on the Net, for I had vague misgivings about what the word really stood for, I found across another word which, for me at least has had very deep reaching effect. The Purgatory. A place where you are cleansed of ur sins. Modifying the lines of the song "Imagine" a little bit would stand...

People say I am a Sinner
But I'm not the only one

I am not any Saint. I do not say I am a saint. But there are people out here who claim they are saints. And get away with the whole muthafucking fact that they are lying, cheating bastards down to the core.

Work and life has changed quite a lot from the time I have joined this place> I still like my hostel room. The smell of the early sun on my skin is quite delicious, so to say. The pitter patter of the rain on the window-sills, somethings which haven't been drenched in over a thousand days indeed feels quite freshening. The feel of the harsh electric bolb inside my room is something which can make me wince, but it can wake me up too. Thats something that I like about my room. It talks to me. Its not just a place where I live. Its also a place which gives me respite from the cold days, something which allows me to look for miles beyond into the wilderness of the wetlands. My computer, lying there just wanting to be put on, the music system waiting there to be blasted... I love my room!!!

But I hate the hostel.

I mean, a structure cannot be uglier than the building that I stay in. Its got shades of a two-in-one ice cream, its got huge verandas and washrooms which are as large as football fields. But I have kinda gotten used to it all. I rarely come outta my room, that is primarily because I hate the University too. Sometimes, it seems like a monstrosity, something which has been built to gobble up the lives of the students, and then, throw them out. But on other days, when I have enough time on my handes to just sit and dream on the terrace or the verandah, I think that the process of changing from a boy to a man has taken place purely because of this place. I would not have liked it if I had gone out into the world a raw guy, unaccustomed to face the challenges that face him. I would not have liked it if I had been a wimp and would have run up to my bosses to complain if I did not like anything. This hostel has changed all that.

Which brings me to another point of very interesting conversation that I had with Vikrant just about today. It was whether I was a team player or a one-to-one reveller. I have always thought of myself as a team player, one who has the greatest degree of flexibility, who can mold himself to anybody's needs and demands. But something in me yearns to fight the battles all alone. Thats more so because I like hunting alone. There is an unexplained phenomenon which is in me, which more or less accounts for the fact that I revel in aloneness. The best in me is brought out when I have everything to myself. I feel it has something to do with the fact that when You are alone, you no longer can rely upon others for your feed, your senses get honed and your mind keeps ticking to the sound of your own pulse. It is then that you understand what it takes to survive. I love it when I am on my own.

Pack hunters are awesome in their own right. Take the velociraptora, for example. These were mini tyrannosaurs with tapered necks, not the broad jaws of the T Rex, and they were pack hunters. If you have read or seen the Jurassic Park, you would know what I am talking about. They rely on speed, aggression and co-ordination. Whereas I would rely more on brute-power, aggression and at certain times, stealth.

This post has been pretty long now. I ought to shut up... would talk again on all of this later!!!

Love, laughter n keep the Faith


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