Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Coffee, cookies and loads of salt

This post, for those who have read, carries no more significance in my life. I have, as a result, made the font size smaller. Just as a force, I am going to remove the post after a few days. This is a closed chapter.

I have been taking off Ria's posts for some time now. I am shameless. I was born shameless.

However, there are some things that I needed to talk about. There are some things that I really needed to talk about to someone else. However, I cannot. I realy must deal with this on my own. I have been hurt, very badly. On the other hand, I do appreciate the guts of the person. It takes a lot of courage to come up and confess to what has been disclosed to me.

How would someone feel if... I dont know, I just cannot talk about this to anyone. But the one whom I am intending it for, surely she knows what I am talking about. And no, I do think that this is a bad idea. Whatever you think, I still feel you should put yourself in my shoes. Think about what you would have wanted me to do under the circumstances. Then decide.

I just dont want to hurt anyone. Why is it that people do not take me at face value? Why is it that people think that I am throwing words in thin air? They did not believe me when I said that I would pass Class XII without tuitons. I did. They could not believe it when I said that I wanted to study law. I did. None of them believed that I had the potential to get through a place where half the world wants to get through. I did. They did not believe me when I said that I loved someone. I did.

You did not believe me... It is one thing not to believe. It is something entirely different to do what you did. Did you do it intentionally to hurt me? What are you doing now? Why are you doing whatever you are doing now? How would you like to be placed in my shoes?

If this is an acid test for me, please help me pass through one of the darkest phases of my life. I am depressed, yet I have to laugh. I need to get high, yet I would not touch any drugs. I need faith, and all I have to fall back on, is myself.

Coffee has kept me from falling asleep all these days. Cookies have made me smile. Loads os salt have gathered from the times I have cried myself to sleep. I know I would tide this over.

Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
But deliver us from Evil.

Love, laughter n keep the Faith



অযান্ত্রিক said...

Nice style of writing. Really nice. But even though The Hammer knows little about your sorrows, he implores you to take a more +ve view towards life. The post truly reflects your mental trauma, but you need to get out of it. For your own sake. Please....

Debalina said...

Perhaps,Evolution should start evolving again.
I personally believe,whatever is the reason for your misery,whatever made you feel bad,get to the root of it and eliminate.
For example is a thing is bothering you,throw it out of the window.If a person is bothering you,just throw the person out of your life.You might feel bad for sometime but you'll soon get over and would feel good like never before.
Perhaps,start with seeing all the -ve qualities of the object in discussion and when you throw that object or person out,you won't feel bad after all.

Stay Happy Always.

EvolutioN said...


Thaks... I really do appreciate the concern... keep writing and smiling!!!


There is where I think that you are a little wrong... its the classic sticks or sleep soliloquoy of hamlet... there was a problem, it is true... but the problem was more in my head than anywhere else... so then, there is no question of chucking the person out of my life... now that I have measured up... life is rosy again!!! thanks for being there whwn it reeeeeally mattered!!!!

Love, laughter n keep the Faith



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