What is it about ex boyfriends or girlfriends that hurt us so much? Bubba called up today and said that S had a girlfriend who was a senior, who used to interact with her very many times. She also said that it came as a shock to her, and that she just could not take it.
I donno why, but mebbe, it was the same way when Bo told me that she had accepted Potter's proposal. I just could not take it. I could not stand that any more. I should have givn up then and there, but I do not know why I did not. Whatever, I knew what she must have been feeling like, I guess a feeling of anger, hurt, sadness, shock, pain, grief, unbelief, everything all at once must have coursed.
Which led me to the question, "Why is it so hard for us to imagine our ex es finding solace in someone else's arms while we ourselves seek solace in the embrace of one another?". I dont really know why that is... maybe it is just that we are so used to seeing that specific person, or imagining that he/she is in love with us that it becomes very difficult, indeed, shocking, that he/she can actually move on in life.
I remember the day when Bo broke me the news. I remember, it was probably the 1st of June, 2002. I had just about come back from the placements. I was eager as ever to talk to Bo, and to see her after 2 1/2 months. She looked at me, and asked me to walk with her. So I did, and she said that she had mailed me when she had accepted Potter's proposal. It just so happened that I might have missed that particular mail.
I felt like a thousand knives being driven through me. I donno why. She was my ex, and she did not matter that much anymore. It is just that I hated to think of her finding peace in someone else's arms. I still believed that I could make it work.
I cried that day. I do not know what gave way within me. I cried like there was no tomorrow. I cried like the waters of heaven and earth shed their floodgates at once. I cried like I should have, I cried like I never did, and I cried like I had nothing to look forward to. I CRIED.
But I have moved on from then. I have had a blast, and I have missed some people very badly. But I am way too sleepy now, and I am missing Bubba. Its kinda sad when I should have, actually could have already been there. But then, thats how life is.
Nobody dies a virgin, life f***s everyone... thats not true. Life does not f*** everyone. Thats like saying... Do not drink water, fishes have sex in it. (",)
I am sleepy beyond belief.
Love, laughter and keep the faith